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“Letak la satu” — Bee

Having a conversation with Bee yesterday gave me a lots of relief. I have been thinking about my future this past few days, since I aware that my age is increasing and I never be any younger than today so I need to decide what kind of future I want to live in.

At this age, I have a lot of things I am afraid of. And the biggest one is I am afraid of growing up and old (definitely). I am afraid of, will I be employed? Will I get married? Will I have children? Will I live longer?

Huh

Somehow I become clueless about my future. Well actually, I do have a plan but sometime I am afraid if I cannot make it work. 

Upon our conversation, I told him about my biggest worries — things I couldn’t handle. I asked him how is he so sure about the path he takes, how is he so firm with the decision he makes, how is he so clear with what he wants.

Making decision become my weakness at this age. I am afraid of taking risk. And this makes me feel so bad and horrible.

He said, what makes he so sure about his life is, he has vision. And his vision is to help his family. He wants to see his family happy and live a better life. Because he is the eldest sibling and he comes from family yang ‘biasa-biasa’.

But me is another way round. I don’t have vision for my future. And that makes me clueless about my path. I don’t know where to go and what I am heading to.

He said with soft,

“Letak la satu”
So that you have reason to strive for

Hmmm

I live in stable family, I easily get what I want. And this makes my vision poor. I become lazy to struggle. I live in my comfort zone. I live with silver spoon in my mouth. Literally. 

Everything he told me is true. Along the conversation, he responded in a way I couldn’t disagree.

So I decide to find my own vision. I know I live in this world is to praise and please my lord and become khalifah. But to sustain with that title, I need a vision. I need clear vision.

I found one sharing from Ustaz Hanan and this sharing made me realized one thing

I probably am afraid because I don't trust myself, however, it’s not because I don’t trust myself. But, I don’t trust You enough actually.You are the one who holds my future not me. I should trust You in everything, that will make me firm in any decision I make.

O Rabb, guide me and help me find my vision and trust You to the fullest. Semoga aku menjadi seperti acuan yang Kau inginkan.

Searching,
AH



2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Moga Allah mudahkan journey awak 😊

Lily said...

Smoga jumpa vision yg sis cari

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