Thursday, August 31, 2017

Sign-up and get RM15 up to RM2500 per day

Hi you guys, I would like to offer you guys to get RM15 (maybe up to RM2500)
as easy as chewing the candy gums

Go to this link >>>>[RM15]<<<<
Then, sign-up your account

Blog account
Instagram account (Most recommended)
Youtube account
[any above account]

Once you sign-up, complete your detail and you will get the money.
It is so easy. I'd already try it! So, now its your turn.

Happy Merdeka day!

Latest Update (3 hours =RM100)

Monday, August 28, 2017

Offer me a job

Tomorrow will be my last day practical. After that, I will be free for two weeks before my new semester starts. I am thinking it will be good if I can make some money and gain another experience during these free days. So, I want to offer to people out there who needs help or want to use my service temporarily. Please.. Please.. Please.. let me know and contact me..

What I am good at

  1. Keying data
  2. Writing
  3. Using Microsoft word and excel
  4. Editing Video
  5. Designing banner, logo, poster etc (we can discuss)
  6. Babysitting (last option)

 Okey, why you have to use my service?

  1. You can pay me at any rate (seikhlas hati)
  2. I will complete the task as soon as possible (insyaAllah)
  3. I can do online and offline
How to approach me?
       email me at (

I want to open just few slots so that I can focus and learn thoroughly. Please.. Please.. Offer me some job!

I need money for my travel savings and I need your money to grow my potential ;p

Image result for clean desk minimalist

With hope,

Monday, August 28, 2017

Officially serious blogger


I would like to announce, this blog domain/link (diary-from-heaven) will be terminated soon. Ops! No no. I am not saying I will stop writing or blogging. But I will change this blog url to another domain. It would be the serious one. Hehehe. Please catch up me at

Hope to see you guys in this new domain and new journey.

Related image

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Are you worried?- Sis Aida Azlin

I climbed up my bed at 10.00pm but I still wide awake up until now. It's 2.00 am already! I can't sleep. I didn't take nap since morning but I don't know how my brain and my body can still working at this moment.

So, I just wanna take few minutes to post something good here (while waiting my brain decides to rest).

Yesterday morning (since now is 2.00 am, it's already a new day), my facebook friend shared one video on her timeline. I found its quite interesting and inspiring video. It is a vlog. The vlogger is a lady. She is from singapore. 

After watched the video, I went to her facebook page and found her others videos. Then, I unintentionally watched about four vlogs straight! I was amazed by the way she interpreted, related and discussed the topic she brought up in her vlog.

Unfortunately, I had another thing to do, I couldn't manage to watch all. Sobs. InsyaAllah, I am looking forward to watch another vlog and her upcoming vlog soon. Hopefully can manage to watch it when I have free time.

In her vlog, she mostly talk about self motivation, islamic view, struggle as muslim lady and many other. I like the way she brought the issue and express it with her point of view. I like the open session she holds with other ladies to share their journey among them. I like the way she tadabbur the verse of Quran in her vlog. Ah, she already stole my heart with her humble message.

If I have a chance, I want to join her open session with other inspiring ladies.

Oh, I forgot to tell who is the amazing lady, she is Aida Azlin. You can search her facebook page and watch her vlog. Trust me, you gonna fall in love with her. She is amused.

One of the sharing I remember from her vlog, she talked about worrying. She had to go back to morroco and she said she started to worry because of being away from the people she love is a struggle. So, one of her friend gave some inspiring motivation and the truth of being far away from our comfort zone; family, friends, home and anything. It is tough and struggling. But somehow, she found the reliance between her and Allah became stronger.

In the same vlog, she reminded that Allah already said and promised, He will test us in our daily life (Q2:155) And she added despite of every difficulty we might face, Allah also has promised us three things:

1) He would not test us beyound our capabilities (Q2:286)
2) Every difficulty comes with ease, not after, not before but alongside. So lets just look after the ease.(Q94:6)
3)Whatever happens to us it is always always for the best (Q2:216)

This vlog really give me a heartwarming feeling. I need this reminder everyday. It is not easy to practise Islam in this challenging century. We need supportive system and people who can keep giving advise to each other and remind ourselves the purpose of life.

So, if you want to watch the full video, you can find out on her facebook page. I can't upload here because I update this post using my phone. So, I just leave the link below so that you can be inspired and motivated like me. Hehehe.

[Are you worried]

That's all. Its already 3.00 am. I just plan to take few minutes but it turn out to be an hour. Hahaha. Good night people! Not really night la.


Self reminder: Don't drink coffee before sleep!

Friday, August 25, 2017

ZSR's birthday

So I barely talk about my close friend here, not because I don't have one but I don't really like to share my real life to other. As you might noticed (I think no one would notice), most of the thing I posted here is all about my heavy feeling, my crumble thought, my wandered mind. Everything is from what I think and what I feel. 

Not so much about activities I did with the person around me. I do like capture moments and reminisced old memories but I am not sure, it is something good to post it here. Well, I need a private life too. Making everything available in cyber make one life less unique. Just share something that benefit to other is foremost. 

I don't have intention to make the intro quite long like this, but seem I'd already done it. Nay. So back to real topic. Today is my favorite person's birthday.

I met her during my semester one at UTM. She was my aras-mate back then, and insyaAllah will be my roomate soon. We decide to live together for our final year before we move to another stage of life. We have planned so many ridiculous things to do together! And I am so excited to do those things.

We have a lot of chemistry. Even though, our background is quite different, like she is from boarding  school, she studied electrical since secondary, she has two elder sisters, two elder brothers and two younger brothers. She is matured as she grows up from quite large number of family member. She is petite and I always bully her. 

I absolutely am different from her. So to me, we are meant together and our presence is to complete each other. 

For about three years knowing her, we have gone so many ups and downs in our life but seem she is more stronger than I am. I admire her on how she handle all the trials she had faced without no one notice she was enduring the pain alone.

Being with her makes me appreciate my family member a lot. She makes me realize, whoever you are in this world, but if you can't love and respect you family, you are just nothing. Because, they are the person who knows you from the very beginning of your life and will stay as your family till the end of your life. Appreciate them.

Yeah, a lot of things, I admire about her. But today is not the only day I can share about her. Because we promise to be best friend forever so just wait our friendship stories another suitable time. Hopefully. 

For me, choose the right people to be your surrounding is important because they are the reflaction version of you. The right person who can encourage you to be someone better is the motto of friendship. In her, I found my strength and she is the one who worth to keep.

Thank you ZSR for being beautiful friend of mine. I surely gonna tell about you to my grandchildren and tell them  how ridiculous you can be. Seriously.

May Allah grants your wishes and place you at highest jannah. Don't forget about our mission to lose more weight next semester, I guess a lot of work out and diet plan we need to do. So lets hold onto each other and try our best. Hooyeeahhh.

Your future roomate,

Friday, August 25, 2017

Appreciate single moment

At the age of 22, when most of your friends are going out with their partner and having lovey dovey moment, you being you just enjoy your moment and your food without have the needs to share with other people.

Somehow it is my honest opinion. Well, being single is not bad. Despite of protecting your dignity as muslim woman, you also have a lot of time to treasure about yourself.

You have a lot of time to rearrange your life, your future planning, your schedule etc. Planning for future is a must. Somehow, when I go deeper into my life, I become clueless. The more I know myself, the more I know nothing. The more I treasure about my potential, the more I see my weakness. So, I have a lot of work to do to improve myself instead of building uncertain lovey dovey relationship.

I am not denied, we as human has the desire to love and to be loved but as the right time come and I am ready to be more serious and the right person willingly come and hand me a marry. I am surely will go for it. But for now,I don't really sure to be commited to find or to wait the right person to come into my life.

What I am thinking now, lets focus on improving ourselves and be serious to develop ourselves to be a better muslim. Knowledge, savings, serving my parents, travelling and make a lot of friends is priority. 

We have to love ourselves first before we want people to love us. 


Thursday, August 24, 2017

Broken people

In this world, I have met a lot of broken people with my own eyes. Some I witnessed from the very start how they got broke, some I saw how they stood up back after certain period from their broken phase.

Some already bear the burden for too long, some just face it few minutes ago just before I started to write this post.

Some get broke by their own trusted people, some get broke because of the expectation people put on her, some get broke because they coudn't meet what other people needs, some get broke because of the result they got were not the same as they expected. Some... hmm..

Everyone has faced broken episode in their life. Everyone has burdened their own problem in daily life. No one would exclude from facing broken heart, even from just a simple thing to a huge thing. Everyone will face.

But, what makes a broken people different from each other is how they encounter the problem and overcome their broken phase- is the matter. That is how they made a difference as a person.

Even the most successful person in this world would face broken period in life. Thomas Edison, the one who discovered the element that is used to light up the bulb faced 999 wrong ways first, before found the right one.

Every problem in this world has the solution. It just the matter of time. And Not Giving Up.

I am one of the heart-broken people who several time stumble on the same circumstances. Being broke by the one I trust to love, is disaster. Hurtful. Distressing. Wounding.

No words can truly describe the feeling of being broke by the person we love.

For sure, the broken part leave deep scars.

It's not only the broken part needs time to heal, but the scars left is one of crucial thing to look after. And the time it takes to truly cure is longer. No guarantee. Sometime, the scars appear not as what people see. Because it is not physical hurt only, but psychological is foremost. 

How I want to tell my brain, the broken part is healed if the brain seem trying being smarter than my body? Huh.

Only broken people will know that scars don't heal easily; it's long and tiring battle.

It is the matter of time to heal; for the broken part and the scars. I believe it will be cured. So, it needs time. 

May Allah helps me through. I know He is the best curer and healer. 

Note to my self: When people hurt you, don't ever have intention to hurt other people. Don't let them feel what you feel. Don't let them bear what you bear. Be kind to everyone because we don't know who is enduring their pain and who is battling with their struggle. The scars doesn't appear as it is. So we don't know what they feel. Be kind to people.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

At 3:12 am

I am still wide awake at this hour. My eyes wanted to close by itself but my brain didn't allow it to do so. Whatever he wants it- he wants it. Jeez. 

I sometime have bad insomnia especially during my break down moment. Whenever I felt heartless, I became restless. Somehow. Maybe.

Since my intern roomate already completed her internship period and already went back to her hometown, I sadly am being alone in this room all myself. Nothing to do, no one to talk to. Everything become bitter and boring.

Staring to ceiling, back to phone. Volume up my headphone. Trying so hard to rest my bone. But, nay. I just killing the time which barely don't want to die. Haih. Why so hard meh?

Today, I didn't have proper breakfast, lunch and dinner. I felt so hungry at 11 o'clock. Then decided to take drive and find some real food. At this hour, all cafeteria in hospital already closed. So, no choice. I had to find stall outside the hospital.

I am bad at reading maps. Especially on road like Kuala Lumpur. Not gonna tell you how many time I went to wrong direction and take wrong turn. Hopeless. But, I can't deny with my starvation. Just keep driving.

So, because of some technical problem, I arrived and ordered my food at 12 o'clock. I am dead! Eating heavy food at this hour is just dreadful horrible and terrific!!! 

No wonder you can build fat successfully inside you body instead of muscle, dear... I nagged to myself while munching the food in my mouth.

O Allah,
Please forgive me because of not taking care of my body.
But, I am teribly hungry. I just can't help it.

Thank you Allah,
For helping me out to search good food in this middle of night and in the middle city whom I didn't familiar to. Thank you Allah.

I typing out all these words and took almost an hour to sum up the freaking boring incident that happened in my life. Yah, no one would care what I am typing here. So, whateva!

Owh, by the way. I just found out the movie that I'd waiting since last year already come out at cinema. Ahhh. I want to watch it! I read some review, most of them said the movie was good. Cannot la like this.

So, whoever had watched Battleship Island, please leave you review link down below on my comment box because I want to read it meanwhile waiting for weekend to watch the movie. Thank you in advance.

Goodnight people!


Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Shampoo M'blica is the solution for hair loss

Today I want to share one of good product that I have used for three months to everyone who has same problem like me.

Hair fall is a real struggle for everyone in this world, no matter either you are man or woman, this hair fall is our enemy and outr biggest insecurity.

But, a lot of people out there still didn't found the best solution and suitable product to cure their problem. Yea, I had the same problem like guys but not until I met with this organic product- M'blica shampoo.

Alhamdulillah, this shampoo is working on me. Before this, I had tried a lot of other product in market, some of them even gave bad condition to my hair and I almost wanted to give up.

Until my auntie suggested me to this organic shampoo.

For the first month, i am using this shampoo with serum, it is from same brand. The serum used to repair my hair root. And I used the serum and shampoo everyday. In one month I can see the different. My hair loss is lesser than usual. My head didn't felt itchy since then. So after the serum run out, I just used the shampoo solely.

Now, its already three month, and I already repeat the order and get the new one. Alhamdulillah. I am satisfied with the product. My honest review, even though the result is quite late from other product i market but I think organic product is the safest solution for me. I am saying this because, I had nightmare with the previous product so this might influence my perception.

However, what might good for me would not work with some other people. So, it is just my honest review, okey.

So whoever have tried this product, please rise you hands up! ✋🏻  


Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Lunch at Sushi King for Bonanza Offer

This is not paid advertisment. This is just my honest review.

Today me and my friends went to sushi king to have our lunch. This is my second time. I love cute tiny food! Because it is easy for me to munch at one shoot. Yummieeeee.

So, today sushi king have offer, every plate costs RM3.18 included GST. So, you can eat as many as you want until you tummy become bloated.

So, these are some of my dishes. And the peak of happiness was the dessert. I had Durian Ice Cream Mochi. The taste was superbb. Blurp!

But, the best part of everything is having quality time with my friends who gonna finish their internship very soon. Knowing them is one of my favorite memories throughout my practical journey. Hope, they will be doing great and finish their degree with flying color (of course, insyaAllah)


Tuesday, August 22, 2017

The basic thing you have to know about coffee

Just now, I scroll up my facebook and something did catch my attention. So, I think it is good to share here. As you might knowing, I am the coffeholic lady who might be seated next to you wanna share basic all the coffeeholic lover should know. Weeeheeehehehehe.

However, to be truth, I sometime got confused. Most of the urban cafe, got hipster names for the coffee they served, but actually it is the common coffee I've consumed. Neayy. (Confusing is a mess)

But, it's okey. The name doesn't matter, as long as the taste just get along with my type. Iamokey! Heeehehehe.

Well good night everyone!
Sleep tight


Sunday, August 20, 2017

Internship experience is a bliss

I still remember the first day I came to HUKM for my internship training. It was two months ago. That was the most sweaty day in my life. (You don't know how I was swimming with my own sweat!) I had to run here and there just to find where traffic department and how to get to human resource department and where is on the earth they placed radiology department in such huge hospital.

Not to mention, how many time I got to the wrong place because of people whom I asked for direction gave me such a helpful hints for a noob first-timer person like me (please don't say to me like - Jalan terus then below kiri, if there have a lots of kiri. You need to be specific which kiri did you mean about)

I had to go to different buildings for different purposes and I needed to wait the super slow lift on this earth (maybe it happened when you felt exhausted). And after waiting patiently, then the lift was full. Ergh. 

Why now?

I had to take stairs and only God knows how I am bathing with my own sweats!

Just a little bit.
I monologue.

I keep walking. And try to build up my motivation back. Switching smile with people around me. I needed positive aura.

After settling few documents, I went to radiology department. The place where I was assigned to. I looked for my supervisor to reporting myself. If you ever come to radiology department in HUKM, you will know this department is located at the end of the world. It's so far away!

I wandered around for few minutes, trying to distinguish which one the staff working there. I needed to ask people. Then, I came to a middle aged lady, she is wearing HUKM tags. She might be a staff, I guessed.

AH: Salam, tumpang tanya. Dimana says nak lapor diri untuk internship trainee?
Lady: Student mana?
Lady: Course apa?
AH: ee engineering
Lady: Kenapa engineering buat praktikal kat hospital? Saya rasa awak tak akan belajar banyak kat sini nanti.
AH: Erk. Owh. yeke

ON MY FIRST DAY of internship training, I got an unpleasant feedback from staff here - where we didn't even have any proper introduction to each other and yet she already predicted what kind of journey I would be walking through. I will not learn much??

After going such a tiring day from early in the morning until noon, running here and day. This very unmotivated welcomimg greeting somehow, it ruined my day. 

No. It ruined my WHOLE WEEK. I felt down to be honest. How can she gave such prediction to my own journey? How did she know I would not learned much here? I keep questioning her in my own self.

I try to naturalize myself. 

I might be too emotional. 

Maybe she's speechless when knowing future engineer walking down to the road and passing at the same street as they are. She might be worried about me because I would feel lonely because I would surrounded by different background of people, she might thinking I couldn't adapt with this new atmosphere. Hmm. She cared about me laa.

She was trying being nice and heartwarming.

The whole week, I tried to naturalize myself by saying those words. I just don't want to be drowned with negative thoughts. 

Starting from second week, my journey at HUKM became brighter and amazing. 

And now, I almost finish my journey as practical student. Today, I can deny what the middle aged lady had said to me. She is totally wrong from the very beginning.

I learn so much much much things here. And the most important things, I am not only learn, but I'd created so much memories too. And making new friends is the biggest extra gifts.

Well, dammmpppp. You've wronged!


Saturday, August 19, 2017

Ibu dan abah adalah harta bagi seorang 'aku'

Harta yang paling tidak ternilai harganya didunia ini selepas agama adalah ibu bapa. Kenapa? Tanpa ibu bapa, kita tidak mungkin berada disini.

Alhamdulillah, aku dikurniakan ibu bapa yang sangat menyayangi pada aku dan juga adik beradik yang lain. Allah.. rasa sukar nak gambarkan perasaan ini. Ibu dan abah adalah nikmat terbesar yang Allah kurniakan pada aku dan sering kali aku lupa mensyukuri nikmat yang satu ini.

Ibu dan abah adalah permata yang tidak mungkin akan dapat diganti dengan apa-apa yang ada didunia ini. Tidak mungkin.

Dahulu, aku pernah melawati rumah anak yatim. Satu perkara yang aku paling tersentuh adalah bila aku melihat wajah-wajah mereka, hati aku terdetik..

'Kalau diorang sedih, pada siapa diorang hendak mengadu?'

'Kalau diorang memerlukan duit untuk beli barang keperluan mereka, pada siapa diorang nak minta wang saku?'

'Kalau mereka merindu untuk dipeluk oleh tangan seorang ayah atau seorang ibu, pada siapa diorang hendak memberitahu rasa mereka?'


Aku semua ada
Aku semua dapat
Bila aku fikir semula
Betapa kurangnya aku bersyukur
atas kehadiran dan keberadaan ibu dan abah ku disisiku selama ini

Aku ada ibu
tempat aku mengadu
tempat aku meluah rasa
tempat aku merujuk
tempat aku menjadikan panduan
tempat aku mempelajari selok belok kehidupan

Aku ada abah
tempat aku berlindung
tempat aku minta pertolongan
tempat aku minta rujukan
tempat aku bersandar
tempat aku mendewasakan diri

Aku ada mereka
Sedangkan mungkin ramai orang diluar sana tidak memiliki apa yang aku miliki
Sedangkan mungkin ramai orang diluar sana tidak senasib dengan aku
Sedangkan mungkin ramai orang diluar sana tidak dilahirkan dalam keluarga seperti aku

Aku rasa aku sangat kurang bersyukur
Jika suatu hari nanti Allah mengambil mereka semula dariku tanpa sempat aku mensyukuri dan menghargai kehadiran mereka..
Amat malang dan celakalah aku...

Sempatkan aku untuk membalas jasa mereka
Berilah peluang padaku menjadi asbab kesyurganya mereka
Jadikan aku anak yang berbakti pada mereka sehingga akhir hayat mereka

Biarlah aku tidak jadi siapa-siapa didunia ini, asalkan aku adalah harta dan jambatan mereka ke syurga

Jangan biarkan aku lupa akan jasa-jasa mereka
Jangan pernahkan ia berlaku

Aku memerlukan mu
Untuk mengingatkan ku
Atas kehadiran mu
Dan kehadiran mereka dalam hidupku

Allah redhailah mereka
Cintailah mereka
Bangunkan mahligai yang indah buat mereka disyurga firdausmu, mahligai yang dekat dengan mu dan kekasihmu


Monday, August 14, 2017

Favorite Korean Instant Coffee

I am coffeeholic lady who might being seated next to you, enjoying sipping my cup of coffee alone at urban cafe and never care less about people around because I'd been travelling to another world of mine with just a cup of coffee in my hand.

I like to try different type of coffees listed on menu board but somehow, most of the time, I turn out order the same type of coffee. (It's very tempting to try all!)

Coffee is my therapy when I got headache or when I feel gloomy. I need strong taste to boast my energy and fix up my hormone back. So far, this one is perfectly suit and work for me.

But when I got stress, my therapy is travelling or going out to the place I've never been or take one or two hours driving to nowhere and get lost in unfamiliar place.

Or just calling my mom. (She is a super good therapist)

No need for shopping or any entertainment like watching movie or karaoke. To be honest, I don't really like to go to places with so many people, crowded, or too much noise. It gives me more stress. (But, I like being surrounded by my friends and having non-stop chatting and laughing.)

Back to coffee topic, these days, I like to drink this one instant coffee that my mom bought it from Korea, MAXIM if I'm not spell it wrongly. The packaging looks like coffee 3-IN-1 Nestle, but for me the flavor is much better. The savor is good and ideal to my taste. Not too thick and not too light - it just in the middle.

Normally, I don't prefer instant coffee, but for MAXIN I can go with it. We are best friend now. Hooyeahh. 

Whenever I can't afford to enjoy a cup of coffee at urban cafe because I am on budgeting. This one is good enough to satisfy my coffeeholic's desire.


Sunday, August 13, 2017

Masjid Cina Negeri Melaka

Yesterday, me and my parents and my sister, POH visited my brother at KMM. It was a long journey to get there. Because, Lebuhraya Utara-Selatan was super jammed. The cars moved very slow. We needed to change our route last minute.

Then, we had to drop by at Poslaju Centre Alor Gajah to get my brother's parcel because they misplaced it. It is important parcel to him. He supposed to get the parcel a day after it been posted but hmm never mind thing already happened.

My brother already waited us, we had our late lunch at his cafe, chatting a little bit while, then we continued our journey to my mom's hometown. Whenever we went to Malacca, we would sleepover one night at my grandma's house.

On the way to my grandma's house, we got the chance to stop by at Masjid Cina Negeri Melaka for minutes. Masjid Cina Negeri Melaka (MCMN) is Chinese-style mosque located at Krubong, Melaka. It is a beautiful mosque. The scenery is so peaceful.

If you ever come to Malacca, please get the chance to stop by here. And do two rakaat of sunnah prayer. The place is amazing and very calming.


Thursday, August 10, 2017

Confusion phase. Help me!

Aku tak pernah tahu siapakah orang-orang yang membaca blog ini. Aku juga tidak tahu siapakah orang-orang yang mengikuti blog since dari ia lahir sehingga ke hari ini. Yang cuma aku tahu blog ini ada 'viewer'nya. So, untuk viewer(s) blog ini, semoga sentiasa dalam rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah. Semoga apa yang tercoret memberi manfaat terutamanya buat yang sedang menaip ini, seterusnya untuk yang sedang membaca. Hai awak :-)

Hari ini aku bersyukur sangat kerana dengan adanya tulisan-tulisan yang pernah aku pamerkan disini banyak menjadi asbab aku gigih meneroka dunia ini dan sabar menyelami diri aku sendiri. It is not easy to understand what we want because as human we want all.

Aku mungkin mewakili satu dalam 18 juta manusia di muka bumi ini, yang punya terlalu banyak soalan, yang punya terlalu banyak kekurangan, yang punya terlalu banyak masa kejatuhan, yang terlalu banyak rebel dengan tuhan. Tetapi,betapa sayang yang tuhan pada aku, setiap persoalan aku dijawab tepat pada masanya, setiap kekurangan aku ditutup dengan kasih sayangNya, setiap masa kejatuhan aku diangkat ke ribaNya dan setiap rebel aku dibalas dengan cinta dan perhatianNya.

Aku mungkin mewakili satu dalam 18 ribu manusia di muka bumi ini, yang punya terlalu banyak cita-cita, yang punya terlalu banyak impian, yang punya terlalu banyak harapan. Tetapi, aku juga adalah seorang manusia yang sangat takut terbang untuk mencapai apa yang aku inginkan. Aku takut jika aku terbang tinggi, bila diuji lalu aku tidak kembali pulang. Aku takut jika aku terbang tinggi, bila diuji lalu jatuh terhempas menyembah bumi. Kerana takut, aku tersangkut, antara terbang tinggi atau terapung dilantai bumi.

Aku mungkin mewakili satu dalam 18 digit manusia di muka bumi ini, yang keliru dalam kejelasan, yang samar dalam keterangan, yang celaru dalam ketenangan, yang sunyi dalam kebisingan, yang ego dalam ketundukan, yang putus asa dalam kesabaran. Sesuatu yang kontradik hidup di dalam kesamarataan. Seperti Mr Hyde yang hidup di dalam Dr Jekyll.

Aku mungkin mewakili mereka yang ingin bersuara, tetapi dirinya tidak mengizinkan dia untuk bersuara. Terlalu banyak persoalan yang ada dalam kotak kepala otak, tetapi persoalan itu bukan mahukan jawapan tetapi hanya hadir untuk menyerabutkan ruang fikiran. Its sound creepy kan? But, I know its exists. 

Benar, bukan?

Well, I guess its normal. Maybe. I am not sure. Because, at certain phase of human life, we will face the confusion moments that gives us confuse to what life is all about. Yea. We start asking why. Why this. Why that. We want to know badly the reason behind everything that happened in our life. And bla bla bla. Ain't?

It happens to me. NOW. I am scared of this phase. So, I start reading books and articles about human body, human hormones, human growth, human psychology and lots other. However, I found the fact that none of this can give a perfect guidance and guideline. Until something poked my lazy brain, hellyuu, why did Allah sends to us al-Quran and protects the book since 1400 years ago until now. Why? and for what? It must be something that our Creator wants us to know.

This morning I start to prepare my presentation,slide and speech materials because next week my lecturer will come and visit me at my workplace. So, when I was doing my slide presentation, I had to refer several books and references and also a manual of machine. When I look through the manual, somehow I realized every brand machine has different manual book even though the machine is using the same concept and principle of working for the machine to function. Different brands has different ways to handle. So the creator of the machine knows the best on how the machine is functioning, so it puts on manual so that the user knows how to use it.

It is same goes to us. If we totally believe Allah is our creator, we must believe the manual He writes for us. Yea al-Quran is the manual. Our creator knows what is best for us. Every guidelines is in there. We need to open, read, understand and act upon it. I need to open, read, understand and act upon it.

Tetapi, aku tahu untuk mulakan itu susah. Apatah lagi mahu kekal istiqamah. Huh. Aku pernah dengan ustaz kata, nak istiqamah ni, hati kena ikhlas. Hmm. Macam mana nak hati ikhlas eh? Sedangkan hati ni lah yang selalu lalai dan selalu buat dosa. Haih. Moga Allah bantu aku dan kamu. Sebab Dia saja yang pegang hati aku dan kamu. Moga Dia pegang erat sehingga dapat bertemu dengan Dia yang satu. Allah...


Nota Kaki: Tolong doakan saya untuk presentation saya minggu depan. Harap segalanya berjalan lancar. Doakan saya banyak-banyak tau!

Monday, August 07, 2017

when the patient collapsed in front of you

Last monday, I entered OT(operation theater) for the first time in my life. First of all, pre-entering to OT you need to change your cloth to hospital suit (scrubs =scrub suit). So, changing to that suit gives me a heaven feeling which I could not describe. You know what, with that scrubs I can pretend myself being a doctor there. And yea some staffs there did calling me doctor :p somehow I enjoyed that title for now on.

Back to OT first experience, I couldn't deny I felt anxious at first. Because I was informed by my colleague that day we would watching patient undergo operation for his heart. There was some blockage existed inside his blood vessel (thrombosis) So, I could imagine the 'red' thing would play the main role for that day. Yuiksss.

Before the operation started, we needed to wear lead suit to protect our body from radiation. Because the operation involved with fluoroscopy machine, a x-ray movie machine (in simple words). The machine used to screening patient's body so that the medical officer could see the organ inside the body.

Dr Beni wears lead suit. [source from Dr beni's instagram]
this how OT looks like

I just watched the operation from behind. 30 minutes early, everything was going smoothly. The patient was stable and the atmosphere was calming. I was focus to what they were working on.

But, suddenly patient collapsed! His bp (blood pressure) dropped. His ECG reading was not good. When MO (medical officer) called him, he did not respond. Suddenly, the scene I was watching at turned to a drama scene that I'd watched on TV. Everything looked tense and anxious.

'Cepat buat cpr. Cpr pt!.'-specialist beri arahan kat MO.
'Sediakan atropine'-specialist beri arahan lagi.
Tangan dia sedang berselirat dengan wire catheter.
Bacaan ecg pt sangat tak cantik. Bp drop. MO buat cpr kat pt.
One second.
Two second.
Three second.
'Nurse, on kan defibrillator'-specialist bersuara cemas.
Suasana jadi tegang seketika. Semua orang dalam ot nampak cemas.
Selepas beberapa saat kemudian, bp pt back to normal. Temperature stable. Bacaan ecg normal. Pt sedar semula.
"Encik, okey? Ada rasa sakit dada ke?"- MO tanya pada pt.
"Ok, cuma rasa tak larat sikit"-pt.
Semua dalam ot lega. Termasuk aku.

So, that was my first experience in ot. Its really gave me a goosebumps. My heart suddenly skipped beating. I did pray a lot for the safety of patient. And I realized how death is so close to us and it could happen anytime. Allah. I felt so small TT

Alhamdulillahi ala kulli hal especially for the great experience Allah had given to me. I am blessed to be able seeing this miracle. Allah is the greatest. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life. Dr and teams, you did a great job!

Pt- patient
Bp-blood pressure
Ot- operation theater


Sunday, August 06, 2017

Don't leave any leftover

If I am getting fat, please blaming my soft spot of not being able to see any leftover. Uhh!

Since I was very young, I am very good at eating. I eat everything (i mean any cuisines that offered to me). I am not picky but easy going about food. I can say, I love eating and love to try everything. If you ask me to do a list likes and unlikes for foods, I would simply say I don't have unlikes list for food.

However, thing gets tough when my age increases. The food I ate didn't turn to energy as much as I was young. My metabolism is getting low. So do you know what it turn to? Yass, it turn to fat and I grow my fat rapidly than I grow my muscles. Its worried me sometime. It really does.

I am frustrated!

Having soft spot for food is becoming disaster sometime. I couldnt see food left untouched on table and being wasted. That is why, whenever I take my food on plate I always make sure myself to take the portion that I need and I able to eat. But, what makes it worse is when everyone around me did not practise what I have practised. So, it turns to, akulah yang terpaksa habiskan makanan diorang.

Eventhough, I'd already feel full. But, because of my soft spot that I cant see the food being throw into dustbin, i just eat their food anyway. I feel empathy. I feel bad to those who could not afford buying or having food for themselves or for their family.

I dont know how to educate people arround me. I seriously don't know the best way to tell them. "Lets eat the portion that we think we able to eat and finish it. Or lets just share our food to avoid any waste happen. Or lets just don't waste what is shouldn't be wasted." Huh.

Its just my thought. Hmm.

A lot of articles, I have read recently did you know how much food being wasted for a day, its bilion kg per day!! its truly hurt me, dude. Because with that amout of waste we can feed so many other people who are struggling to have proper meal in their daily life TT In africa, rohinya, palestine, Syria and even our own county in rural area, they sometime are struggling to eat at proper portion.

I am very clueless how selfish we could be as a human being. We are lacking with common sense. So, people let me tell you... If you couldnt afford to feed other people, if you couldnt have intention to think about other people's life, lets just don't be selfish and wasteful to your own self. Wasting food is really not cool!

Selain membazir itu adalah amalan syaitan, it (pembaziran) also train us to be less thankful to our Lord. Seriously. Lets be a better person-inch by inch. Because our generation civilization is depending on us. How we want to teach and civilize our children if we barely teach and civilize our own self? Get the point?