Thursday, January 18, 2018

My first shortfilm competition

One of my dream is to direct and making film in my life. At least once. Its sound funny when I study engineering and involve with biomedical field but my passion is art.

Maybe not funny, but people look it a bit weird. Hmm. So sad.

I don’t know. Art teaches me about freedom of life which I don’t found at anywhere. Art existed in my heART so that is why I need art to keep living.

Back to this shortfilm. It was a collobration between me and my bestfriend, ZSR. We made it in 2015. It was a great experience directing and editing the video by myself. Fuh..

I wish to make it more and more, insyaAllah.

2015, I was newbie in editing skill and am still newbie. But, I will keep learning. Now, I am on my way to learn editing video using adobe premiere pro. If you want to up to date with my art, do follow me on instagram @penulis.ahblog

Till next time

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Surat Cinta buat Ahmad Ammar

Malam ini izinkan aku bercerita tentang dirimu disini
Assalamualaikum salam sejahtera buat sosok yang sangat aku kagumi, Ahmad Ammar
Yang sedang berbahagia di alam sana
Aku yakin, aku pasti

2 november 2013
masih aku ingat lagi tarikh pemergian mu dari dunia yang fana ini
pemergian yang memberi rasa pada seluruh alam
pemergian yang menyentuh hati pada jiwa yang tidak mengenali apatah yang mengenal diri mu
pemergian yang mengetarkan jiwa-jiwa yang mendambakan kematian yang baik seperti mu

Duhai Ammar
Aku adalah salah seorang yang merasa, yang tersentuh dan yang terketar akan pemergian mu
Aku tidak mengenali mu tapi hati ini benar-benar terasa dekat dengan mu
Terasa pernah mengenali mu
Terasa pernah bersua muka dengan mu

Duhai Ammar
betapa aku tidak malu untuk mengaku aku pernah merindukan mu
dan masih juga merindukan mu,
barangkali sosok seperti mu

Duhai Ammar
Aku cemburu dengan cara Allah menjemputmu,
kenangan-kenangan orang-orang yang pernah bersamamu,
jiwa dan hatimu

Duhai Ammar
Pemergianmu sangat memberi impak padaku
Teringin sangat hati ini bertemu dengan mu
bercerita denganmu
meluahkan suasana yang sangat menyesakkan diwaktu ini, 
ummat ini...
rasa yang sangat bersalah
bagaimana kau mahu membantu ummat ini duhai Ammar :(

Duhai Ammar
Izinkan aku menjadikan kau sumber inspirasi aku
Izinkan aku menjadikan kau sebagai semangat untuk aku terus menjadi lebih baik, 
untuk ummat 
untuk agama
untuk Tuhan
Izinkan aku menjadikan kau antara sebab kecil untuk aku mahu masuk ke syurga
kerana aku mahu bertemu dengan mu
Izinkan aku untuk sekali sekala merinduimu,
sosok seperti mu

mahukah kamu tahu
aku menamakan kereta aku dengan nama kau
mahukah kau tahu juga
aku selalu berbicara dengan kereta ku seolah-olah aku sedang berbicara dengan kau
sifat dia seperti kau
tidak banyak berbicara, selalu mendengar

aku selalu menghabiskan waktu duka aku didalam kereta aku
kerana disitu aku rasa selamat
aku merasa ada yang sedang memujuk ku

selalu saja aku cakap pada Ammar keretaku
“Kakak akan jaga ammar baik2”
padahal Ammar itulah yang selalu menjaga aku,
selalu ada disisiku

pertama kali sejak aku memiliki Ammar keretaku
aku membawa seorang lelaki kedalam keretaku
kau mahu tahu?
sepanjang minggu dia merajuk
ada saja tidak kena
sampai dua kali masuk bengkel
sampai aku menjadi runsing
kerana dia tidak pernah begitu
selepas beberapa sesi dialog aku dengan dia
aku pujuk mengapa dia begitu
baru aku sedar 
rupanya dia sedang cemburu ^_^

baru-baru ini aku baca semula buku yang dituliskan buat kamu
dari ayahanda, bonda, kakanda dan sahabat2 mu
tidak henti-henti air mata ini berderai
selepas satu ayat pasti deras air mata ini mengalir
Ammar, aku merasa kau masih hidup
kau hidup dihatiku 

malam ini ingin sekali aku coret namamu dan ceritamu disini
kerana aku mahu kau menjadi sebahagian dari dunia ku
dan aku mengharap kau juga menjadi sebahagian dari dunia ku disana
diakhirat kelak
semoga dapat bersua muka
berbicara sama
bergelak tawa
disuatu masa
disuatu tempat
yang indah
yang dijanjikan Tuhan
Yang Maha Indah

Allah pertemukan aku dengan Ahmad Ammar ya!
Sampaikan salam ku padanya
Sampaikan salam ku pada kekasihMu juga
Allahumma salliala saidina muhammad

Your truly secret admire

Thursday, January 11, 2018


I am reflecting about the topic my mom brought up this morning, something related to a guy who was recently getting close to me. Throughout the conversation, I found something really precious. Something that refirm my stand and re-aim my goal.

In my 22 years of life, I have never been getting into serious relationship. I never commit with any love relationship so far. But, I almost fall twice but Alhamdulilah Allah saved me. 

For me, it took quite a long time to falling in love with somebody and took longer time to find a reason why I should stay with him. If I found no solid reason, I just walk out from his life immediately. I don’t think it was a cruel decision because I want to save both feelings and protect my iman. But, it was not as easy as said. However, what I always do is I just keep walking until my heart doesn’t feel anything

I don’t want to commit something unworthy and something that makes me distant from my Lord. I don’t want to throw myself in uncertainty. Allah doesn’t like haram relationship. So, I should do what Allah obligate me to do.

I couldn’t do something against Allah’s direction. My heart won’t be at ease. I need ease and peace in my life to keep me truly ‘living’ in this dunya.

May Allah guide me.

So back to the conversation, what made me felt my mom slapped me damn hurt with her words is a thought of  “am I too cheap and easy girl?” because of being nice to someone (opposite gender) who closes to me.

Being kind at wrong condition sometime could possibly lead to misconception. Being kind and flirting is different thing. I always being kind to those who makes me comfortable. But I never flirt anyone. I don’t even know how to make it. I am just being nice. That’s it.

In 2018, I hope I can learn how to control the way I treat people. 2018 is the year I will focus on me. To improve my self, inner and outer and I will strictly focus on self-betterment and do what I passion to do. I will love myself the way I want to be loved. That is all I wanna do this year. Loving and improving myself. InsyaAllah. 

Hope you guys have some goals in 2018 to be achieved. If you guys have some, may Allah helps you guys to reach your goal. Ameen.

Till the next time,

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Getting better

It took me tons of courages to set me free from the ‘weird’ thought. I almost lost to my own battle. But, Allah saved me again and again. Alhamdulillah. 

Since, I had posted about depression recently. Yea, I admit I have it. But, now it is under my control. InsyaAllah. May Allah guide me and save me again and again.

I am having final examination right now. Two papers already passed, three papers are waiting me ahead. This semester I took extra two papers. So yeah, it quite stressed me out while all my friends only have three papers for this semester and some of them already finish their exam but me is just warming up.

Nay, is okay. Everything is under my control. No. Everything is under Allah’s control. Allah will helps me through this battle. I know He will. He is my companion 😍

I am currently in Bangi, at my home. To get a treatment. I am now getting better. I can’t wait to go back to JB and finish my final exam. 

So, please let me ask a little precious time of yours to pray for my health and may Allah ease my journey. Thank you to those who support me endlessly. I love you guys so much!

Moga Allah bagi syurga yang tertinggi untuk kalian 😘


Tuesday, January 09, 2018

Fake people

You talk about depression
You stand up for its awareness
But when somebody near you having depression
You make fun of it
You become ignorant
You are fake!
You look with eyes that says
“Why you’re so weak and fragile? Everyone has problem too. Stop your drama. Why can’t you keep your problem to your ownself?”

Depressed people don’t seek for attention, they seek for help.

They seek for help
They did
They tried
You just blind your eyes from see it

Depression dont kill people,
too long sadness that they’ve held because no one near them grab their hand when they need help
does kill people

People don’t die because of depression
They die because of sadness of not being saved by the one they trust

Now, who is fake?
Depressed people or you?